outside the (toy) box

Advertisers generally respond to critiques of marketing to kids by calling it an issue of parental responsibility. If you don’t want your kids to see advertising, just don’t let them watch TV.  Simple as that. 

I’ve tried it — it helps  a lot. Thing 1 has never seen commercial television, and I also work hard to keep her out of shopping environments (sometimes with comic outcomes…).  I have also tried to have playdates at parks and playgrounds or museums or sporting events instead of at other kids’ homes where the world of Disney, Bratz, etc. may reign supreme.

Well, Friday, Thing 1 had her first playdate at a friends’ home.  Janie is very into princess, barbie, play make-up etc., so I was a little anxious about Thing 1 seeing all the bounty and getting “the craving.” My smart friend (hi KW) told me to chill out, making a point I can’t hear often enough — she’s going to be fine.  Even if she becomes president of the Bratz fan club, at the end of the day, she’ll be fine.

I think we were in the car for about 11 seconds when she said, “Janie has a lot of princess stuff and I don’t have any.”  To which I said (for my own amusement, and I did enjoy it), “I guess you’re right - I’ve never really thought about that.” (har har har).  I said, “Well, kids have different things and I’m sure you have some things that Janie doesn’t have.” “No.”  Sure, right - shall we take inventory? I think, but okay, I’ll take the high road and bite my lip.

Well, she went on to say she wants to get some princess things, so I said we could probably do that, not wanting to make huge deal.  As she sat in the backseat rhapsodizing about which princess on what thing, my wheels were cranking.  Could I really stomach supporting the princess empire by giving them my money (What if I whithered up and died at the cash register at Target?)?  Maybe I should let my MIL get her something - she would love it.  But then, how do we communicate that it’s okay to give something without opening the floodgates?  What to do.  Eureka.  At Thing 1’s 1st dentist appointment last year, the toothbrush they gave her was a Snow White toothbrush (because even the denist isn’t a marketing-free zone).  I put this away and we all forgot about it (otherwise I’d have used it to clean the toilet).

So, a couple days later, I told her I had something for her, and I whipped it out.  Her eyes started spinning in a spiralling hypnotic daze.  It was like she was seeing Jesus. Needless to say she was delighted.  Dee-light-ed.  She wouldn’t even use it because she wanted to save it to show her Dad.  Then, for the next 2 days every time she used it, she dried it off on a towel to make it “new again.”  Dh finally told her that that was kind of nasty, so we’re beyond it, but she loves this thing.

Then, having tasted the nectar, she said, “I want more princess things.”  So we talked a teeny bit about gratitude, our good fortune, and focusing on the positive.  We’ve had this talk before about 300 times. I could give it in my sleep. This is handy, because I need to give myself this very same talking to every so often. 

So, where does this leave us?  In the shade of gray.  Hopefully moving on.  Finding peace with this space in the middle isn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.  Especially as I listen to her and we talk princess.  Her princess seems to get, if anything, more feminist all the time.

Lately, every day she and about 5 friends play “bad guy” on the playground.  The game goes like this - 2 boys pretend to be the bad guys and they say very nice things like, “I’m going to cut you up and kill you” (don’t get me started).  And Thing 1 and 2 friends are princesses who fight them off.  She tells me pretty much every day that she wins, and when she doesn’t win, then Nora has won. Never, ever have the bad guys won. How do you win? “By being the smartest, bravest, and fastest.”  Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle.  I couldn’t have written that script better if I had tried.  But, wait, I did try.  Maybe that came from me.  Could it have?  Take that Snow White - you might be in our medicine cabinent, but you’re a bad ass. Isn’t that funny?

I think so too.