outside the (toy) box

We’re in Maine right now, vacationing at a lake house - stealing the very last week of summer.  Here we are with a dock for swimming, kayaks, a canoe, fishing gear, woods for exploring, and from a kid’s POV, there is essentially an indoor playground too — lofts and bunkbeds that make cool hiding fort-like spaces, a zillion unfamiliar books and toys, and an indoor play tent (we brought it with us, along with some crawling tunnels in case it was rainy).   Considering the surroundings I was fairly perplexed that Thing 1 kept asking me, “what can I do?”  this morning — our first full day here.  I mean, really, if all that kid friendly fodder weren’t enough, I also packed large bags of toys for both her and the baby.  And as it turns out, “Are you kidding? What can’t you do?” did not seem to work to send her on her merry way.

Don’t get me wrong - I like to spend time with her- we’ve already been swimming together twice, I’ve read books with her, etc. - but I also am trying to relax a little myself (speaking of which we had a bottle of wine last night called, “Mommy’s Time Out — he he - “we” meaning my friends and I, not my daughter and I, of course) and don’t want to play with her every second.  So, I had a talk with her to highlight the amazing possibilities and the fact that, just like at school, there would be times on vacation that would be “choice time,” when she would choose one of the many great options and go play.   This worked and she disappeared into the play tent with two dolls.  We’ll see how long it lasts.

BUT, the reason I mention all this is because it occurred to me that poor Thing 1 just doesn’t know how to “be” in this new home.  She needs to learn how and where to play and what ways are available to her to entertain herself.  She needs to get good at it — here.  This is a skill that needs to be learned and practiced — entertaining oneself.  I think that when I go to make a cell phone call any time I’ve got a 10 minute walk across campus.  Why do I need to be engaged in that way on a short walk — what gives?  It’s just a bad habit. 

At any rate, I was reminded of a conversation I had once with an unnamed preschool parent. UPP was saying that I have it easy because since dd has always had fairly minimal involvement with mass media and low consumer culture immersion (the latter most certainly being linked to the former),  I don’t have to battle with her.  She doesn’t ask to watch tv or ask me to buy her things because it doesn’t cross her mind to do so (very often).  She was saying that if she tried to take away TV or didn’t buy Sugar Whammy Cereal and Trendy Trashy Doll that she would have a huge battle on her hands. 

So, being here and watching Thing 1 flounder around made me realize that one of the reasons getting out of video games, tv, shopping etc. is that kids need to learn this new skill.  If they have been spending 2+ hours a day at the screen, what do they do to entertain themselves?  TV does all the work!   It’s hard to learn to amuse yourself!  So, when people (perhaps people like me) make comments about “just turning off the tv” they really aren’t being fair.  Turning it off is easy — keeping it off, or turning on new types of fun, that’s something that will take work.  And this is work that kids are exceedingly unlikely to initiate.

So how do you get out if you’re in deep and it IS work? Maybe a strategic vacation could be a springboard.  Camping, if you are the camping type (I’m not, but I wish I were), demands a radical break and retraining — doesn’t it? You have to fill all those electricity free hours, you can’t go to the mall or out to Chuck E. Cheese.  Suddenly you find yourself reading, playing games, telling stories, going for walks, writing in journals, building things, jumping rope, swimming, cooking, exploring nature, playing hide and seek, even singing songs (how crazy is that?).  Under what other conditions would otherwise normal humans turn to boondoggle?  Boondoggle could not exist without the lack of electricity, I’m sure of it.

Actually, I realized that what happens when you are camping mimics exactly the best of what play should be (see the page on PLAY).  And, if the lack of electricity is all it takes to prompt us into play, suddenly the weight of what the mass media does to us seems painfully clear, no?  Camping is also a vacation that is quite detached from the consumption that is part and parcel of most tourism.  Ask anyone who’s visited Disney - their wallets can attest to the consumption orientation! 

So, planning a family vacation that requires learning that elusive skill of self-entertainment — making one’s own fun, seems like it has a lot of potential to offer a first step out, if you are looking for one.  I mean, playing games with your family is far more fun that watching a movie with your family, even though it does require more of you — more cooperation, more creativity, more analytical thinking. No wonder play is so good for us!  Like flax seed — maybe a little work to get down, but so many benefits! har har.  And, thankfully, I don’t think you need to go camping to start to pick up these skills.  I’m here, at the lake, in a very nice house, with all the amenities I could ask for (wireless, even), but even with all the DVDs in the place, last night we played cards (poker, I lost, but I didn’t loose so badly that I had to cook breakfast, so that was nice), today we’ve been boating and swimming, we read on the dock, and after nap (alas, hers - not mine), I promised Thing 1 we’d go catch bugs.  There is so much to do here that involves no screen time (this one hour is my nap time treat) and no involvement in consumer culture. 

Why don’t my husband and I play cards at home in the evening instead of watching TV?  For the same reason kids usually don’t.  TV is easier, and it’s always there.  But, maybe taking strategic vacations now and then can remind us of all the other fun that is out there.  And, if we return having instituted a game night or reading night or hobby night for the gang, maybe the lessons from vacation can follow us home.  Just an idea.