So, as I indicated a couple posts ago, dh and I decided we needed to deploy some princess in order to keep them from gaining even more power. I keep picturing Thing 1 morphed freakishly into Smeagol/Gollum from Lord of the Rings, lopsidedly lumbering, knuckles dragging, after someone wearing a Little Mermaid backpack, seething woundedly after it,”my precious…”
Since I saw it as a strategic decision, part of my larger project of keeping childhood freer, I was okay with it. But the other day I stood in Sears, looking at the “stuff” and I was just dumbfounded.
I can’t get her this necklace. God, she’ll wear it. Like, in public.
How about the pillow? Ick, no. It’ll sit out, on her bed. Forever. I can’t have her cheery primary colored, character free bedroom defaced like that. No, all home accessories — out.
Clothing - also out, I long ago mentioned that while I do like characters (lie), especially Wonder Woman and WordGirl (well, not a lie), I’m “just not crazy about them on clothes and shoes.” I can’t open that floodgate.
So, I really considered a cup-like thing. I mean she could drink out of it, it was fancy, maybe. Then I noticed that 2 of the 3 princesses were not making eye contact — they were wistfully looking off into the distance waiting to be admired. Aren’t I so vulnerable and beautiful? Gross. I left.
Then I did something I’ve never done before. I went to The Disney Store. I felt like a covert researcher or an undercover cop, like one of Charlie’s Angels out on dangerous assignment, expecting someone to come up to me and say, “Hey, lady, stop! You can’t be in here!” and haul me away or something. There I was, a blasphemer among the faithful. I felt nekkid at the shrine.
Breathe.
So. OK. If I were thing 1, what in this store would delight me?
C’mon. Snap out of it. Do you think I would seriously buy a Cinderella barbie? Not without a frontal lobotomy. Princess + Barbie? It’s not a double negative that makes a positive — it’s just a double negative. Funny, though, I felt myself react to that doll. My inner 5 year old wanted it, “buy her, she’s so pretty. Oooh. Look at her dress.”
I meandered around, everything seemed wrong. I almost got her a mini basketball, almost bought her a toy cell phone. Left empty handed and a little grossed out.
One sidebar question. What is it with the princess hierarchy? Most things that are adorned with 3 princesses have Belle, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella. If it has 4 or 5 you get to add Ariel and/or Snow White, at 6 you finally get Jasmine, and it isn’t until you’ve got all the way to number 7 and 8 that Mulan and Pocahontas get to play (in other words, very very rarely). I hear you that Pocahontas is a little far a field from official princessness, but Ariel is a freakin’ half-fish (I guess not at the end, but she’s usually shown in her
porn starmermaid form).
What could I buy that would make her happy and me feel comfortable? I reflected a lot before I went back out, but the third time was the charm. I stood in Target, mustered some courage, and after about 40 minutes finally decided on a rubber figurine set:
Because, in the end, I decided that I “like” them best as toys, not as logos that enhance the value of some other object. Our home will now have 7 (my set isn’t the 8 piece set pictured here and doesn’t have Pocahontas, see what I mean!?) 3.5 inch little princesses, it’s done.
Enjoy the $10 bucks Disney. I know I will get every penny’s worth. My street cred with Thing 1 is going to skyrocket and I can hardly wait to do subversive things with them. Photos will follow, I’m sure, but not until after Christmas.
Jess
December 10, 2007 | 5:24 pm1
Yes. I think that Pocahontas is one of the seven in the box you bought. (Sidebar answer: racial/ethnic hierarchy, of course: the nonwhites take a backseat to the half-fish.) I know because we enjoy two of these sets: one for each daughter. Back when they received attention, Grandma used nailpolish to put the initials of one kid on the bottom of one set, to end the fighting over them.
They receive very little attention now. But good point, that I hadn’t thought of: figurines are toys of the characters, which is less gross than having the images of the characters adorn a thousand other things.
You chose well, Angel.
Cheryl Trooskin-Zoller
December 10, 2007 | 10:08 pm2
Thank you for being so thoughtful and posting so thoughtfully. Your kids are very lucky to have you, and now, because I’m reading what you write, my daughter is benefiting, too.
Tina
December 10, 2007 | 10:17 pm3
And what is that smell in the Disney store? I feel like I’m growing a lung tumor every time I walk by the entrance.
Dawn
December 10, 2007 | 10:31 pm4
Well chosen. I like those.
(The only thing I’ve ever bought at the Disney Store was Eeyore dressed as the Easter Bunny - I was pregnant and easily swayed.)
Lisa @ Corporate Babysitter
December 10, 2007 | 10:32 pm5
YOU WALKED INTO A DISNEY STORE? (Boy, I don’t think I’ve ever used all caps before.) No rash, huh?
You did choose well. She can actually play with them and hopefully, they will ban together to save the world from evil. Or have a book group.
Tina, the smell must be the Official Scent of Disney. You know, like they sell the Official Disney Paint Colors at Home Depot. If you are lucky, you can probably get it at Macy’s perfume counter.
mom
December 10, 2007 | 11:06 pm6
I know, Lisa! Those caps were well deserved.
Can you believe it!? I pass it in the mall and usually even look the other way (seriously) because it annoys me so much. It was weird to go in. I seriously felt like I was going to get in trouble - I felt like I was 19 years old again, in the bar with my fake ID, but with one eye on the bouncer, just waiting to get the tap.
And, yep, Jess — the race order. I just think, man — aren’t they a little self conscious at least??
Emily
December 11, 2007 | 12:03 am7
i had a whole comment written on the assumption that those were those little rubber dolls with the terrible rubber clothes (which exist in both polly pocket and disney princess form). my babysitting charge has about 35443128234579234 of those (I spent two hours of my day today assisting her dad in assembling the polly pocket so hip cruise ship, which comes complete with gay best friend), and i loathe them with a terrible passion. in fact, it is because of those little tiny rubber clothes, in part, that my wife and i have decided already that our children will be forbidden from having small plastic toys.
but those look like they stay in their clothes. that’s great. (although naked dolls–especially naked dolls with magnets in them–are hilarious from the caregiver’s point of view.) and they have all the upsides of being dolls–creative, narrative play. so i think you picked a winner.
Laura
December 11, 2007 | 1:52 am8
If you wanted to segue into actual myths and legends, not Disney-fied, there’s this toy series
http://www.abcblocks.com/robhood.htm
The pirate set has a princess type with a sword as well. The D crew would most likely get their dainty heinies kicked by Maid Marin, and that is sooo fun to watch.
Lisa C.
December 11, 2007 | 2:11 am9
I think that’s an excellent choice. Your daughter will truly enjoy it!
We love Word Girl at our house, but the scheduling, the scheduling! They are constantly changing the name/time (i.e. it was originally the called the Amazing Collosal Adventures of Word Girl, now it is just Word Girl) and my DVR is very confused so we only get new episodes once a month. I am peeved.
mamagenerica
December 11, 2007 | 3:12 am10
I’ve been loving your blog and this one made me laugh — I also have a 5-yr-old who is right now running around the house in a pink princess dress, but I console myself that there’s a difference between this one made by the lady down the road and a heavily branded TM version. Also she climbs trees in it. The more I read the more I realise I am very fortunate to live in a country (South Africa) which is dramatically less media-saturated than the US. My daughters have barely seen advertising (we only do DVDs and videos) and although exposure to other kids at preschool has brought the word “Bratz” into our house, there’s no pressure on me actually to buy one. Living in a tiny market at the ass-end of the world has its disadvantages, but also many blessings!
Midodok
December 11, 2007 | 6:58 am11
The lack of eye contact between Disney Princesses isn’t because they are trying to be wistful, it’s because they are supposed to exist in alternate universes. So you will never see them making eye contact. Except when your kids play with them of course!
maggie
December 11, 2007 | 2:17 pm12
I think you might be a better, or anyway nice, mom than me. Because I will not countenance buying that stuff. I don’t want it in my house.
Of course, someone gave her the disembodied head of Ariel for her birthday - some hairdressing toy - and I haven’t thrown it away yet. It is, however, buried good and deep in the toy box.
mom
December 11, 2007 | 4:38 pm13
Oh Maggie, I’m NOT nice. I read an article last year that I’ve referenced on blog a couple times that changed my prohibitionist ways. I bought these in an attempt to reduce their power, not to be nice. This is not to even remotely suggest that you do the same. God, one less buyer for Disney is wunderbar in my book! But here it is…
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/12/24/magazine/24princess.t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1
And Lisa C — yes, I know! My daughter has actually only seen WG twice. Once for the premeire and then some other time. We’re never there when it’s on or don’t remember. We’re just not a big TV house, so WordGirl is just a happy idea in my mind more than an actual TV show! I still love her though!
Mamagen. I’m moving to SA - make some room in your trees for my kids.
radical mama
December 12, 2007 | 12:37 pm14
It’s so refreshing to hear the adventures of another mom who is like me.
I settled for the disney princess tea set. It was inexpensive, and not overtly princessy. And they love their tea parties, so it will actually get used which is key.
Jeremy
December 12, 2007 | 1:50 pm15
Love this post.
We’ve made the same distinction between the things themselves (dolls, for example) and the branding of those things that gets plastered on everything else (clothes, for example), and although it’s at best a Pyhrric victory, it seems to work for us.
Thought you might enjoy this recent rant on the same topic:
http://ehrenreich.blogs.com/barbaras_blog/2007/12/bonfire-of-the.html
magickitty
December 12, 2007 | 2:55 pm16
Well done. See if you can get the princesses driving tractors or trucks when the toys inevitably find their way to your son’s hands.
I’ve been wanting to mention the following to you:
http://www.sharigraydon.com/publications.htm
Shari Graydon is a Canadian academic in media literacy, and she focusses on educating school-age children. The books are aimed at older children than yours, but is still a useful tool to start the parent - it has me questioning my son (4 yrs) about what he likes, and why he likes it (usually due to advertising!).
Oh, The Joys
December 12, 2007 | 3:49 pm17
My daughter was given a jacket with Belle from Beauty and the Beast on it. She asked me who it was and when I said, “Belle,” she said, “Belle? Like Jingle Belle?”
Ha!
mom
December 12, 2007 | 4:02 pm18
OMG — first BitchPhD visits me and now Oh The Joys is here. I feel faint. The rock stars never, ever come visit groupies. I’ll never wash my computer screen again.
Mrs. G.
December 13, 2007 | 12:20 am19
Great post. I had a little princess many years ago. I fretted each time I put a floppy ass bow in her hair or bought her the Snow White Halloween costume she begged for. I am happy to report that she is now sending in college applications and is a full fledged kick-ass feminist. Just keep walking the walk.
maggie
December 13, 2007 | 7:45 am20
Thanks for the NYTimes article - I look forward to reading that later.
And, I’m actually convinced that my kid says “lellow” just to get my goat, because she does say “yell” and “yes” and any number of other “Y” words.
Gwen
December 13, 2007 | 1:54 pm21
Great choice. A couple of comments. We got rid of our TV and love life without it. That being said, our daughter (6) “watches” Word Girl on the PBS kids web site. There are a number of WG shows on it as well as some interactive learning games.
We’re also lucky enough to live in a town where we can order organic/locally grown food delivered to our door which means we spend very little time in grocery stores and in malls. In fact, now that I think of it most of shopping is done online. By making these choices, we’re a lot less exposed to advertising and marketing. It frees us up to go hiking, skiing etc and enjoy life.
Tracee Sioux
December 13, 2007 | 4:49 pm22
You’re right Mom - it is a sorta good compromise.
I dunno. Maybe it’s a losing battle we’re playing against the Princesses? I have one of those figurines from off a cake floating around here somewhere - or I might have tossed it in the trash after picking it up 1,000 times.
I’m thinking my compromise will be the High School Musical Troy and Gabriella Barbies. Will it be the end of the world? It sure would make her heart sing.
Academama
December 13, 2007 | 6:40 pm23
WHAT A PUSHOVER!! Just kidding
This is just a tiny gesture, but it may likely satisfy Thing 1 enough that she doesn’t even feel the need to ask for more Princess/Disney anything ….hopefully.
Jacey
December 13, 2007 | 7:05 pm24
I just recently came across your blog and I am really enjoying not only what you have to say, but how you say it. I too am an academic and a mother and challenged routinely by the two (separately and together!) I particularly liked your comment about preferring “them” (the princesses) more as toys rather than logos. At first blush in my home princesses aren’t the “problem” (I have two little boys). But, your issue here seems to parallel with my own concerns about raising (dare I say feminist?) compassionate boys who become men who challenge rather than reinforce dominant constructions of hegemonic masculinity. Already it starts as my four year old (who loves everything Cars Inc…don’t get me on Disney just yet!.. trucks, and lots of the stuff found in the “Boy” aisles at the toy store) has told me he wants to be a princess for Halloween next year and the “only thing he has in his heart that would make me very happy for Christmas is the Dora Dress-up Trunk.” For much (I think) the same reasons you don’t want your house [or at least the toybox] to become a Girlie Girl Shrine I’ve spend much time and energy already thinking about what are the alternatives to “NOT” encouraging his interests. ‘No, sorry Sweetie, you can’t be a princess for Halloween (traditional answer) because only girls can be princesses!” Nope! “Would you like to be a prince instead?” Nope this leaves it all intact. For now, it is on hold! And a simple, “that might be fun” has sufficed.
It is great theoretically to think outside of the box (be it the institution of motherhood, academia, intensive childhood or the toybox literally). Yet, in practical terms in our journey to alter the culture and society in which we and our children live, IT IS the context in which they find themselves. I am all about countering the dominant claims, yet I also don’t want my son excluded.
I look forward to reading your thoughts and continuing to thinking through my own positions here! (The Dora Dress up Trunk was $26 dollars and looks it, it is for ages 2-4 so the clothes probably won’t fit him, but my heart/head couldn’t NOT get it).
mom
December 14, 2007 | 12:52 am25
Wow Jacey — nice to meet you — hegemonic masculinity — you’re speaking my language! I’m dying to know more about you and sad you didn’t link to your own blog so I could go sneak a peek. I would have TOTALLY bought him the dress up trunk — bending gender trumps marketing
rebel
December 15, 2007 | 11:19 pm26
I just discovered your blog and have been reading it the last few hours!
I am happy to report that my princess-obsessed girly girl lost her obsession some time after I caved and allowed her to have a princess item. (It was a Princess Barbie - I fell all the way!) I hope the princesses lose some of their power for your girl.
subarctic mama
December 16, 2007 | 4:50 am27
May the figurines work as tiny plastic vaccines. My fingers are crossed.
rebel
December 18, 2007 | 6:32 pm28
See what Barbara Ehrenreich has to say about Disney princesses!
http://ehrenreich.blogs.com/barbaras_blog/
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