Like many of you, I’m a parent with a brain and a critical eye.
I have a hilarious four year old daughter (Thing 1) and an uncommonly affable, very drooly infant son (Thing 2). When my kids were hypothetical, I thought that the hard part would be discipline, maybe, or not getting enough sleep. Turns out, though, that the thing that makes me craziest is watching them careen out, all warm hearted and open minded, into this consumerist, shallow, often ridiculously unhealthy pop culture heaped with expectations about who they should be (a princess-ballerina-fashionista and a football player-little man-tough guy, respectively), what they should eat (brightly colored “foods” magically constructed out of partially hydrogenated oils and corn syrup), and what they should own (everything, and as early as possible). I’m not opposed to shopping or junk food or television (oh, how I love television), or femininity and masculinity, but I am repeatedly struck by how consistent and narrow most of the “choices” seem and how few and far between the alternatives are.
I google things like “feminist children’s movies” and get a goose egg. I sit in bookstores searching for books about adventurous girls and sigh when the best female character I can find happens to be a sheep (the female human characters are too busy pouting, shopping, or playing the back up singer to a host of boys). I dig through the drug store valentines hoping to find just one package that isn’t marketing licensed characters. I see ABC Family and scratch my head at the ubiquitous over-affected teenage girls and ads for new shows airing about college life — American Pie sexist, sex-obsessed, stereotypes writ small for the home viewer. And my brother says “sheltered” like it’s a bad thing…
I presume that although I feel like a freak, I’m not the only one who wants to live a tiny bit outside the box. It’s cramped in here! At least that’s my hope. If you’re out there, let’s commiserate, let’s laugh, and let’s share information – the book about the sheep is actually really good!
In addition to being a parent, I’m a professor in an unnamed social science field as well as media studies. I guess that makes me an expert, but walking this surreal road with my short little friends is an equally eye opening education. My husband marvels with me, and all of our head shaking and eye rolling happens in a large northeastern urban area.
It’s nice to meet you!
mhazela
August 13, 2007 | 8:37 pm1
OMG I know - if someone had told me that parenthood was all about heartbreak, with little bits of joy in between, I would have thought they were sniffing Hallmark card greetings. Well, it’s true - times one million!
Nice to meet you
Academic couple (Sandi and Jim)
August 24, 2007 | 11:10 am2
We love your site - both what you have to say and how you say it.
What also gets us is parents who say “I used to think gender roles were purely social until I had kids - but my little boy just loves guns and my little girl loves dressing up even though we raised them in a gender-neutral way”; as if it were possible to completely isolate kids from all the cultural goo we wade through every day.
We sometimes fantasize about sending our children to Quaker school which might provide them with peers whose parents share our values.
If your children are into fantasy books, here are some with strong female protagonists:
Robin McKinley - The Blue Sword
Robin McKinley - The Hero and the Crown
Garth Nix - Abhorsen trilogy
Neil Gaiman - Coraline
These are just a few books that came to mind. They might be a bit old for your kids though. And Coraline is really scary.
candace
October 2, 2007 | 4:49 pm3
what a great blog! so refreshing. I struggle with so many of the issues you address. I will be here often!!
blue milk
October 4, 2007 | 8:30 am4
So nice to find you. I LOVE discovering a feminist mother’s blog and it happens too rarely.
Redstar
October 17, 2007 | 12:12 am5
Damn, I’m childless but in my thirties and in a serious relationship with a man whose outlook on life I totally dig (as you say, we “marvel” too!). I’m already thinking about this stuff…
As for books, I can’t remember my favorites at age 4 (except for The Bed Book, which was an ode to going to bed written by Sylvia Plath that I cannot find anywhere anymore that I LOVED). However, hopefully when your daughter gets older she can appreciate Harriet the Spy (Louise Fitzhugh) and her science loving cousin Janie and her consumer-rejecting friend Beth (aka Mouse); Anastasia Krupnik (Lois Lowry), whose parents moved her from Cambridge to the ‘burbs and she was just perfectly pre-teen horrified at the thought even though she met a neighbor named Gertrude Stein; The Egypt Game and The Great Stanley Kidnapping Caper by Zilpha Keatley Sneider, which were totally rad adventure kid books…
I don’t know why I’m re-writing all this here. I have a brief list of favorite kids books over at my site (scroll down), many of which had strong, independent female protagonists (or so I remember!).
Redstar
October 17, 2007 | 12:13 am6
So PS: It’s great to find your site!
blue milk
November 19, 2007 | 6:39 am7
You completely made my day/week/month.. possibly even year with the blog awards nomination. Thank you so much!
eszter
November 23, 2007 | 9:58 pm8
I just found your blog and LOVE it. Thanks for all this great thinking and writing. I’d like to get in touch with you off-blog. If you’d be comfortable revealing your identity to a fellow like-minded academic, please send me a note, my address is in my sig or on my Web site linked from here. (For one thing, I’d like to learn about your scholarly work.)
s
November 28, 2007 | 10:57 pm9
I’m so pleased to have found this blog. I’m also an assistant prof. parent (female) of a one-year- old and my husband and I have been talking a lot lately about our worries surrounding marketing (of products, gender roles, world views, etc.) aimed at our daughter. I find your insights into and information about these matters very helpful, and I look forward to reading more.
PunkKittyDiddy
November 29, 2007 | 12:51 pm10
You are a beacon of inspiration, and your existence is a huge coup for thinking parents everywhere. As I’m claiming to everyone who will read/listen, the brainpower and wit you wield easily cancels out at least 100,000 narrow-minded nincompoops (or roughly the equivalent of 5 of my most critical and disapproving relatives). THANK YOU for being you.
Judith
November 29, 2007 | 9:47 pm11
Thank you! I was so glad to find this blog. I have boy/girl twins who are one year old (and a PhD in women’s history), so these issues are always on my mind. I recently blogged about gender socialization here and here. I look forward to continuing to read your blog.
A. Berkoski
November 30, 2007 | 1:56 pm12
I am in wonder of you. You say all that I wish I could articulate. Fanastic!
Forever A Student
December 1, 2007 | 12:11 am13
Hi there–I can’t even remember how I ended up linking over to your blog, but I’ve been sifting through it for at least the past hour, reading many of your posts. They’re all great and so insightful! Many of these issues have been on my mind lately and you articulate them so well for me. I will definitely be back.
Spark
December 4, 2007 | 1:41 am14
I’m very much enjoying your posts. The bit here about googling for videos/looking for books really strikes a chord. I wonder if you’ve found good sites, resources, and/or have been amassing any lists of rare gems? WordGirl and New Moon sound great; I’d love to learn about others.
Spark
December 4, 2007 | 3:15 am15
argh. Reading posts, looking through categories, overlooked the goodnews/resources tab. Sorry!
crimmom
December 14, 2007 | 4:12 pm16
Thanks so much for your blog! Great writing, commentary, and research.